and harder； yet all so quickly； that the spruce guard in the London uniform
and silver lace； had not yet rumpled his shirt…collar； delivered half the
dispatches in his shiny little pouch； or read his newspaper。
Carlisle！ Idle and Goodchild had got to Carlisle。 It looked
congenially and delightfully idle。 Something in the way of public
amusement had happened last month； and something else was going to
happen before Christmas； and； in the meantime there was a lecture on
India for those who liked it … which Idle and Goodchild did not。 Likewise；
by those who liked them； there were impressions to be bought of all the
vapid prints； going and gone； and of nearly all the vapid books。 For
those who wanted to put anything in missionary boxes； here were the
boxes。 For those who wanted the Reverend Mr。 Podgers （artist's proofs；
thirty shillings）； here was Mr。 Podgers to any amount。 Not less gracious
and abundant； Mr。 Codgers also of the vineyard； but opposed to Mr。
Podgers； brotherly tooth and nail。 Here； were guide…books to the
neighbouring antiquities； and eke the Lake country； in several dry and
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
husky sorts； here； many physically and morally impossible heads of both
sexes； for young ladies to copy； in the exercise of the art of drawing； here；
further； a large impression of MR。 SPURGEON； solid as to the flesh； not
to say even something gross。 The working young men of Carlisle were
drawn up； with their hands in their pockets； across the pavements； four and
six abreast； and appeared （much to the satisfaction of Mr。 Idle） to have
nothing else to do。 The working and growing young women of Carlisle；
from the age of twelve upwards； promenaded the streets in the cool of the
evening； and rallied the said young men。 Sometimes the young men
rallied the young women； as in the case of a group gathered round an
accordion…player； from among whom a young man advanced behind a
young woman for whom he appeared to have a tenderness； and hinted to
her that he was there and playful； by giving her （he wore clogs） a kick。
On market morning； Carlisle woke up amazingly； and became （to the
two Idle Apprentices） disagreeably and reproachfully busy。 There were
its cattle market； its sheep market； and its pig market down by the river；
with raw…boned and shock…headed Rob Roys hiding their Lowland dresses
beneath heavy plaids； prowling in and out among the animals； and
flavouring the air with fumes of whiskey。 There was its corn market
down the main street； with hum of chaffering over open sacks。 There
was its general market in the street too； with heather brooms on which the
purple flower still flourished； and heather baskets primitive and fresh to
behold。 With women trying on clogs and caps at open stalls； and 'Bible
stalls' adjoining。 With 'Doctor Mantle's Dispensary for the cure of all
Human Maladies and no charge for advice；' and with Doctor Mantle's
'Laboratory of Medical； Chemical； and Botanical Science' … both healing
institutions established on one pair of trestles； one board； and one sun…
blind。 With the renowned phrenologist from London； begging to be
favoured （at sixpence each） with the company of clients of both sexes； to
whom； on examination of their heads； he would make revelations
'enabling him or her to know themselves。' Through all these bargains and
blessings； the recruiting…sergeant watchfully elbowed his way； a thread of
War in the peaceful skein。 Likewise on the walls were printed hints that
the Oxford Blues might not be indisposed to hear of a few fine active
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
young men； and that whereas the standard of that distinguished corps is
full six feet； 'growing lads of five feet eleven' need not absolutely despair
of being accepted。
Scenting the morning air more pleasantly than the buried majesty of
Denmark did； Messrs。 Idle and Goodchild rode away from Carlisle at eight
o'clock one forenoon； bound for the village of Hesket； Newmarket； some
fourteen miles distant。 Goodchild （who had already begun to doubt
whether he was idle： as his way always is when he has nothing to do）
had read of a certain black old Cumberland hill or mountain； called
Carrock； or Carrock Fell； and had arrived at the conclusion that it would
be the culminating triumph of Idleness to ascend the same。 Thomas Idle；
dwelling on the pains inseparable from that achievement； had expressed
the strongest doubts of the expediency； and even of the sanity； of the
enterprise； but Goodchild had carried his point； and they rode away。
Up hill and down hill； and twisting to the right； and twisting to the left；
and with old Skiddaw （who has vaunted himself a great deal more than his
merits deserve； but that is rather the way of the Lake country）； dodging the
apprentices in a picturesque and pleasant manner。 Good； weather…proof；
warm； pleasant houses； well white…limed； scantily dotting the road。
Clean children coming out to look； carrying other clean children as big as
themselves。 Harvest still lying out and much rained upon； here and there；
harvest still unreaped。 Well…cultivated gardens attached to the cottages；
with plenty of produce forced out of their hard soil。 Lonely nooks； and
wild； but people can be born； and married； and buried in such nooks； and
can live and love； and be loved； there as elsewhere； thank God！ （Mr。
Goodchild's remark。） By…and…by； the village。 Black； coarse…stoned；
rough…windowed houses； some with outer staircases； like Swiss houses； a
sinuous and stony gutter winding up hill and round the corner； by way of
street。 All the children running out directly。 Women pausing in
washing； to peep from doorways and very little windows。 Such were the
observations of Messrs。 Idle and Goodchild； as their conveyance stopped
at the village shoemaker's。 Old Carrock gloomed down upon it all in a
very ill…tempered state； and rain was beginning。
The village shoemaker declined to have anything to do with Carrock。
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No visitors went up Carrock。 No visitors came there at all。 Aa' the
world ganged awa' yon。 The driver appealed to the Innkeeper。 The
Innkeeper had two men working in the fields； and one of them should be
called in； to go up Carrock as guide。 Messrs。 Idle and Goodchild； highly
approving； entered the Innkeeper's house； to drink whiskey and eat
oatcake。
The Innkeeper was not idle enough … was not idle at all； which was a
great fault in him … but was a fine specimen of a north…country man； or any
kind of man。 He had a ruddy cheek； a bright eye； a well…knit frame； an
immense hand； a cheery； outspeaking voice； and a straight； bright； broad
look。 He had a drawing…room； too； upstairs； which was worth a visit to
the Cumberland Fells。 （This was Mr。 Francis Goodchild's opinion； in
which Mr。 Thomas Idle did not concur。）
The ceiling of this drawing…room was so crossed and recrossed by
beams of unequal lengths； radiating from a centre； in a corner； that it
looked like a broken star…fish。 The room was comfortably and solidly
furnished with good mahogany and horsehair。 It had a snug fireside； and
a couple of well…curtained windows； looking out upon the wild country
behind the house。 What it most developed was； an unexpected taste for
little ornaments and nick…nacks； of which it contained a most surprising
number。 They were not very various； consisting in great part of waxen
babies with their limbs more or less mutilated； appealing on one leg to the
parental affections from under little cupping glasses； but； Uncle Tom was
there； in crockery； receiving theological instructions from Miss Eva； who
grew out of his side like a wen； in an exceedingly rough state of profile
propagandism。 Engravings of Mr。 Hunt's country boy； before and after
his pie； were on the wall； divided by a highly…coloured nautical piece； the
subject of which had all her colours （and more） flying； and was making
great way through a sea of a regular pattern； like a lady's collar。 A
benevolent； elderly gentleman of the last century； with a powdered head；
kept guard； in oil and varnish； over a most perplexing piece of furniture on
a table； in appearance between a driving seat and an angular knife… box；
but； when opened； a musical instrument of tinkling wires； exactl