idle thoughts of an idle fellow- 第10部分

When　I　got　home　I　undressed　and　rubbed　myself　down　with　whisky；　put　my　feet　in　hot　water　and　a　mustard…plaster　on　my　chest；　had　a　basin　of　gruel　and　a　glass　of　hot　brandy…and…water；　tallowed　my　nose；　and　went　to　bed。

These　prompt　and　vigorous　measures；　aided　by　a　naturally　strong　constitution；　were　the　means　of　preserving　my　life；　but　as　for　the　suit！　　Well；　there；　it　isn't　a　suit；　it's　a　splash…board。

And　I　did　fancy　that　suit；　too。　　But　that's　just　the　way。　　I　never　do　get　particular｛y　fond　of　anything　in　this　world　but　what　something　dreadful　happens　to　it。　　I　had　a　tame　rat　when　I　was　a　boy；　and　I　loved　that　animal　as　only　a　boy　would　love　an　old　water…rat；　and　one　day　it　fell　into　a　large　dish　of　gooseberry…fool　that　was　standing　to　cool　in　the　kitchen；　and　nobody　knew　what　had　become　of　the　poor　creature　until　the　second　helping。

I　do　hate　wet　weather　in　town。　　At　least；　it　is　not　so　much　the　wet　as　the　mud　that　I　object　to。　　Somehow　or　other　I　seem　to　possess　an　irresistible　alluring　power　over　mud。　　I　have　only　to　show　myself　in　the　street　on　a　muddy　day　to　be　half…smothered　by　it。　　It　all　comes　of　being　so　attractive；　as　the　old　lady　said　when　she　was　struck　by　lightning。　　Other　people　can　go　out　on　dirty　days　and　walk　about　for　hours　without　getting　a　speck　upon　themselves；　while　if　I　go　across　the　road　I　come　back　a　perfect　disgrace　to　be　seen　（as　in　my　boyish　days　my　poor　dear　mother　tried　often　to　tell　me）。　　If　there　were　only　one　dab　of　mud　to　be　found　in　the　whole　of　London；　I　am　convinced　I　should　carry　it　off　from　all　competitors。

I　wish　I　could　return　the　affection；　but　I　fear　I　never　shall　be　able　to。　　I　have　a　horror　of　what　they　call　the　〃London　particular。〃　　I　feel　miserable　and　muggy　all　through　a　dirty　day；　and　it　is　quite　a　relief　to　pull　one's　clothes　off　and　get　into　bed；　out　of　the　way　of　it　all。　　Everything　goes　wrong　in　wet　weather。　　I　don't　know　how　it　is；　but　there　always　seem　to　me　to　be　more　people；　and　dogs；　and　perambulators；　and　cabs；　and　carts　about　in　wet　weather　than　at　any　other　time；　and　they　all　get　in　your　way　more；　and　everybody　is　so　disagreeableexcept　myselfand　it　does　make　me　so　wild。　　And　then；　too；　somehow　I　always　find　myself　carrying　more　things　in　wet　weather　than　in　dry；　and　when　you　have　a　bag；　and　three　parcels；　and　a　newspaper；　and　it　suddenly　comes　on　to　rain；　you　can't　open　your　umbrella。

Which　reminds　me　of　another　phase　of　the　weather　that　I　can't　bear；　and　that　is　April　weather　（so　called　because　it　always　comes　in　May）。　Poets　think　it　very　nice。　　As　it　does　not　know　its　own　mind　five　minutes　together；　they　liken　it　to　a　woman；　and　it　is　supposed　to　be　very　charming　on　that　account。　　I　don't　appreciate　it；　myself。　　Such　lightning…change　business　may　be　all　very　agreeable　in　a　girl。　　It　is　no　doubt　highly　delightful　to　have　to　do　with　a　person　who　grins　one　moment　about　nothing　at　all；　and　snivels　the　next　for　precisely　the　same　cause；　and　who　then　giggles；　and　then　sulks；　and　who　is　rude；　and　affectionate；　and　bad…tempered；　and　jolly；　and　boisterous；　and　silent；　and　passionate；　and　cold；　and　stand…offish；　and　flopping；　all　in　one　minute　（mind；　I　don't　say　this。　　It　is　those　poets。　　And　they　are　supposed　to　be　connoisseurs　of　this　sort　of　thing）；　but　in　the　weather　the　disadvantages　of　the　system　are　more　apparent。　　A　woman's　tears　do　not　make　one　wet；　but　the　rain　does；　and　her　coldness　does　not　lay　the　foundations　of　asthma　and　rheumatism；　as　the　east　wind　is　apt　to。　　I　can　prepare　for　and　put　up　with　a　regularly　bad　day；　but　these　ha'porth…of…all…sorts　kind　of　days　do　not　suit　me。　　It　aggravates　me　to　see　a　bright　blue　sky　above　me　when　I　am　walking　along　wet　through；　and　there　is　something　so　exasperating　about　the　way　the　sun　comes　out　smiling　after　a　drenching　shower；　and　seems　to　say：　　〃Lord　love　you；　you　don't　mean　to　say　you're　wet？　　Well；　I　am　surprised。　　Why；　it　was　only　my　fun。〃

They　don't　give　you　time　to　open　or　shut　your　umbrella　in　an　English　April；　especially　if　it　is　an　〃automaton〃　onethe　umbrella；　I　mean；　not　the　April。

I　bought　an　〃automaton〃　once　in　April；　and　I　did　have　a　time　with　it！　I　wanted　an　umbrella；　and　I　went　into　a　shop　in　the　Strand　and　told　them　so；　and　they　said：

〃Yes；　sir。　　What　sort　of　an　umbrella　would　you　like？〃

I　said　I　should　like　one　that　would　keep　the　rain　off；　and　that　would　not　allow　itself　to　be　left　behind　in　a　railway　carriage。

〃Try　an　'automaton；'〃　said　the　shopman。

〃What's　an　'automaton'？〃　said　I。

〃Oh；　it's　a　beautiful　arrangement；〃　replied　the　man；　with　a　touch　of　enthusiasm。　　〃It　opens　and　shuts　itself。〃

I　bought　one　and　found　that　he　was　quite　correct。　　It　did　open　and　shut　itself。　　I　had　no　control　over　it　whatever。　　When　it　began　to　rain；　which　it　did　that　season　every　alternate　five　minutes；　I　used　to　try　and　get　the　machine　to　open；　but　it　would　not　budge；　and　then　I　used　to　stand　and　struggle　with　the　wretched　thing；　and　shake　it；　and　swear　at　it；　while　the　rain　poured　down　in　torrents。　　Then　the　moment　the　rain　ceased　the　absurd　thing　would　go　up　suddenly　with　a　jerk　and　would　not　come　down　again；　and　I　had　to　walk　about　under　a　bright　blue　sky；　with　an　umbrella　over　my　head；　wishing　that　it　would　come　on　to　rain　again；　so　that　it　might　not　seem　that　I　was　insane。

When　it　did　shut　it　did　so　unexpectedly　and　knocked　one's　hat　off。

I　don't　know　why　it　should　be　so；　but　it　is　an　undeniable　fact　that　there　is　nothing　makes　a　man　look　so　supremely　ridiculous　as　losing　his　hat。　　The　feeling　of　helpless　misery　that　shoots　down　one's　back　on　suddenly　becoming　aware　that　one's　head　is　bare　is　among　the　most　bitter　ills　that　flesh　is　heir　to。　　And　then　there　is　the　wild　chase　after　it；　accompanied　by　an　excitable　small　dog；　who　thinks　it　is　a　game；　and　in　the　course　of　which　you　are　certain　to　upset　three　or　four　innocent　childrento　say　nothing　of　their　mothersbutt　a　fat　old　gentleman　on　to　the　top　of　a　perambulator；　and　carom　off　a　ladies'　seminary　into　the　arms　of　a　wet　sweep。

After　this；　the　idiotic　hilarity　of　the　spectators　and　the　disreputable　appearance　of　the　hat　when　recovered　appear　but　of　minor　importance。

Altogether；　what　between　March　winds；　April　showers；　and　the　entire　absence　of　May　flowers；　spring　is　not　a　success　in　cities。　　It　is　all　very　well　in　the　country；　as　I　have　said；　but　in　towns　whose　population　is　anything　over　ten　thousand　it　most　certainly　ought　to　be　abolished。　　In　the　world's　grim　workshops　it　is　like　the　childrenout　of　place。　　Neither　shows　to　advantage　amid　the　dust　and　din。　　It　seems　so　sad　to　see　the　little　dirt…grimed　brats　try　to　play　in　the　noisy　courts　and　muddy　streets。　　Poor　little　uncared…for；　unwanted　human　atoms；　they　are　not　children。　　Children　are　bright…eyed；　chubby；　and　shy。　　These　are　dingy；　screeching　elves；　their　tiny　faces　seared　and　withered；　their　baby　laughter　cracked　and　hoarse。

The　spring　of　life　and　the　spring　of　the　year　were　alike　meant　to　be　cradled　in　the　green　lap　of　nature。　　To　us　in　the　town　spring　brings　but　its　cold　winds　and　drizzling　rains。　　We　must　seek　it　among　the　leafless　woods　and　the　brambly　lanes；　on　the　heathy　moors　and　the　great　still　hills；　if　we　want　to　feel　its　joyous　breath　and　hear　its　silent　voices。　　There　is　a　glorious　freshness　in　the　spring　there。　The　scurrying　clouds；　the　open　bleakness；　the　rushing　wind；　and　the　clear　bright　air　thrill　one　with　vague　energies　and　hopes。　　Life；　like　the　landscape　around　us；　seems　bigger；　and　wider；　and　freera　rainbow　road　leading　to　unknown　ends。　　Through　the　silvery　rents　that　bar　the　sky　we　seem　to　catch　a　glimpse　of　the　great　hope　and　grandeur　that　lies　around　this　little　throbbing　world；　and　a　breath　of　its　scent　is　wafted　us　on　the　wings　of　the　wild　March　wind。

Strange　thoughts　we　do　not　understand　are　stirring　in　our　hearts。　Voices　are　calling　us　to　some　great　effort；　to　some　mighty　work。　　But　we　do　not　comprehend　their　meaning　yet；　and　the　hidden　echoes　within　us　that　would　reply　are　struggling；　inarticulate　and　dumb。

We　stretch　our　hands　like　children　to　the　light；　seeking　to　grasp　we　know　not　what。　　Our　thoughts；　like　the　boys'　thoughts　in　the　Danish　song；　are　very　long；　long　thoughts；　and　very　vague；　we　cannot　see　their　end。

It　must　be　so。　　All　thoughts　that　peer　outside　this　narrow　world　cannot　be　else　than　dim　and　shapeless。　　The　thoughts　that　we　can　clearly　grasp　are　very　little　thoughtsthat　two　and　two　make　four…that　when　we　are　hungry　it　is　pleasant　to　eatthat　honesty　is　the　best　policy；　all　greater　thoughts　are　undefined　and　vast　to　our　poor　childish　brains。　　We　see　but　dimly　through　the　mists　that　roll　around　our　time…girt　isle　of　life；　and　only　hear　the　distant　surging　of　the　great　sea　beyond。



ON　CATS　AND　DOGS。

What　I've　suffered　from　them　this　morning　no　tongue　can　tell。　　It　began　with　Gustavus　Adolphus。　　Gustavus　Adolphus　（they　call　him　〃Gusty〃　down…stairs　for　short）　is　a　very　good　sort　of　dog　when　he　is　in　the　middle　of　a　large　field　or　on　a　fairly　extensive　common；　but　I　won't　have　him　indoors。　　He　means　well；　but　this　house　is　not　his　size。　　He　stretches　himself；　and　over　go　two　chairs　and　a　what…not。　He　wags　his　tail；　and　the　room　looks　as　if　a　devastating　army　had　marched　through　it。　　He　breathes；　and　it　puts　the　fire　out。

At　dinner…time　he　creeps　in　under　the　table；　lies　there　for　awhile；　and　then　gets　up　suddenly；　the　first　intimation　we　have　of　his　movements　being　given　by　the　table；　which　appears　animated　by　a　desire　to　turn　somersaults。　　We　all　clutch　at　it　frantically　and　endeavor　to　maintain　it　in　a　horizontal　position；　whereupon　his　struggles；　he　being　under　the　impression　that　some　wicked　conspiracy　is　being　hatched　against　him；　become　fearful；　and　the　final　picture　presented　is　generally　that　of　an　overturned　table　and　a　smashed…up　dinner　sandwiched　between　two　sprawling　layers　of　infuriated　men　and　women。

He　came　in　this　morning　in　his　usual　style；　which　he　appears　to　have　founded　on　that　of　an　American　cyclone；　and　the　first　thing　he　did　was　to　sweep　my　coffee…cup　off　the　table　with　his　tail；　sending　the　contents　full　into　the　middle　of　my　waistcoat。

I　rose　from　my　chair　hurriedly　and　remarking　〃；〃　approached　him　at　a　rapid　rate。　　He　preceded　me　in　the　direction　of　the　door。　　At　the　door　he　me