THE HUE AND CRY （Helterskelterelterwelter） He's Bloom！ Stop Bloom！ Stopabloom！ Stopperrobber！ Hi！ Hi！ Stop him on the corner！
（At the corner of Beaver Street beneath the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the fringe of the noisy quarrelling knot； a lot not knowing a jot what hi！ hi！ row and wrangle round the whowhat brawlaltogether。）
STEPHEN （With elaborate gestures； breathing deeply and slowly。） You are my guests。 The uninvited。 By virtue of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward。 History to blame。 Fabled by mothers of memory。
PRIVATE CARR （To Cissy Caffrey。） Was he insulting you？
STEPHEN Addressed her in vocative feminine。 Probably neuter。 Ungenitive。
VOICES No； he didn't。 The girl's telling lies。 He was in Mrs Cohen's。 What's up？ Soldiers and civilians。
CISSY CAFFREY I was in pany with the soldiers and they left me to do … you know and the young man ran up behind me。 But I'm faithful to the man that's treating me though I'm only a shilling whore。
STEPHEN （Catches sight of Kitty's and Lynch's heads。） Hail； Sisyphus。 （He points to himself and the others。） Poetic。 Neopoetic。
VOICES She's faithfultheman。
CISSY CAFFREY Yes； to go with him。 And me with a soldier friend。
PRIVATE PTON He doesn't half want a thick ear； the blighter。 Biff him one； Harry。
PRIVATE CARR （To Cissy。） Was he insulting you while me and him was having a piss？
LORD TENNYSON （In Union Jack blazer and cricket flannels； bareheaded； flowingbearded。） Their's not to reason why。
PRIVATE PTON Biff him； Harry。
STEPHEN （To Private pton。 ） I don't know your name but you are quite right。 Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts。 Shirt is synechdoche。 Part for the whole。
CISSY CAFFREY （To the crowd。） No； I was with the private。
STEPHEN （Amiably。） Why not？ The bold soldier boy。 In my opinion every lady for example。。。
PRIVATE CARR （His cap awry； advancing to Stephen。） Say； how would it be； governor； if I was to bash in your jaw？
STEPHEN （Looks up in the sky。） How？ Very unpleasant。 Noble art of self…pretence。 Personally； I detest action。 （He waves his hand） Hand hurts me slightly。 Enfin； ce sont vos oignons。
（To Cissy Caffrey。） Some trouble is on here。 What is it； precisely？
DOLLY GRAY （From her balcony waves her handkerchief giving the sign of the heroine of Jericho。） Rahab。 Cook's son； goodbye。 Safe home to Dolly。 Dream of the girl you left behind and she will dream of you。
（The soldiers turn their swimming eyes。）
BLOOM （Elbowing through the crowd plucks Stephen's sleeve vigorously。） e now； professor； that carman is waiting。
STEPHEN （Turns。） Eh？ （He disengages himself） Why should I not speak to him or to any human being who walks upright upon this oblate orange？ （He points his finger。） I'm not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye。 Retaining the perpendicular。
（He staggers a pace back。）
BLOOM （Propping him。） Retain your own。
STEPHEN （Laughs emptily。） My centre of gravity is displaced。 I have forgotten the trick。 Let us sit down somewhere and discuss。 Struggle for life is the law of existence but modern philirenists； notably the tsar and the king of England； have invented arbitration。 （He taps his brow。） But in here it is I must kill the priest and the king。
BIDDY THE CLAP Did you hear what the professor said？ He's a professor out of the college。
CUNTY KATE I did。 I heard that。
BIDDY THE CLAP He expresses himself with much marked refinement of phraseology。
CUNTY KATE Indeed； yes。 And at the same time with such apposite trenchancy。
PRIVATE CARR （Pulls himself free and es forward。） What's that you're saying about my king？
（Edward the Seventh appears in an archway。 He wears a white jersey on which an image of the Sacred Heart is stitched； with the insignia of Garter and Thistle； Golden Fleece； Elephant of Denmark； Skinners' and Probyns' horse； Lincoln's Inn bencher and ancient and honourable artillery pany of Massachusetts。 He sucks a red jujube。 He is robed as a grand elect perfect and sublime mason with trowel and apron； marked made in Germany。 In his left hand he holds a plasterers bucket on which is printed： Défense d'uriner。 A roar of wele greets him。）
EDWARD THE SEVENTH （Slowly； solemnly but indistinctly。） Peace； perfect peace。 For identification bucket in my hand。 Cheerio； boys。 （He turns to his subjects。） We have e here to witness a clean straight fight and we heartily wish both men the best of good luck。 Mahak makar a back。
（He shakes hands with Private Carr； Private pton； Stephen； Bloom and Lynch。 General applause。 Edward the Seventh lifts the bucket graciously in acknowledgement。）
PRIVATE CARR （To Stephen。） Say it again。
STEPHEN （Nervous； friendly； pulls himself up。） I understand your point of view； though I have no king myself for the moment。 This is the age of patent medicine。 A discussion is difficult down here。 But this is the point。 You die for your country； suppose。 （He places his arm on Private Carr's sleeve。） Not that I wish it for you。 But I say： Let my country die for me。 Up to the present it has done so。 I don't want it to die。 Damn death。 Long live life！
EDWARD THE SEVENTH （Levitates over heaps of slain in the garb and with the halo of Joking Jesus； a white jujube in his phosphorescent face。）
My methods are new and are causing surprise。
To make the blind see I throw dust in their eyes。
STEPHEN Kings and unicorns！ （He falls back a pace。） e somewhere and we'll。。。 What was that girl saying？。。。
PRIVATE PTON Eh； Harry； give him a kick in the knackers。 Stick one into Jerry。
BLOOM （To the privates； softly。） He doesn't know what he's saying。 Taking a little more than is good for him。 Absinthe； the greeneyed monster。 I know him。 He's a gentleman； a poet。 It's all right。
STEPHEN （Nods； smiling and laughing。） Gentleman； patriot； scholar and judge of impostors。
PRIVATE CARR I don't give a bugger who he is。 PRIVATE PTON We don't give a bugger who he is。
STEPHEN I seem to annoy them。 Green rag to a bull。
（Kevin Egan of Paris in black Spanish tasselled shirt and peep…o'…day boys hat signs to Stephen。）
KEVIN EGAN H'lo。 Bonjour！ The vieille ogresse with the dents jaunes。
（Patrice Egan peeps from behind； his rabbit face nibbling a quince leaf。）
PATRICE Socialiste！
DON EMILE PATRIZIO FRANZ RUPERT POPE HENNESSY （In medieval hauberk； two wild geese volant on his helm； with noble indignation points a mailed hand against the privates。） Were those eykes to footboden； big grand porcos of johnyellows todos covered of gravy！
BLOOM （To Stephen。） e home。 You'll get into trouble。
STEPHEN （Swaying。） I don't avoid it。 He provokes my intelligence。
BIDDY THE CLAP One immediately observes that he is of patrician lineage。
THE VIRAGO Green above the red； says he。 Wolfe Tone。
THE BAWD The red's as good as the green； and better。 Up the soldiers！ Up King Edward！
A ROUGH （Laughs。） Ay！ Hands up to De Wet。
THE CITIZEN （With a huge emerald muffler and shillelagh； calls。）
May the God above
Send down a cove
With teeth as sharp as razors
To slit the throat
Of the English dogs
That hanged our Irish leaders。
THE CROPPY BOY （The rope noose round his neck； gripes in his issuing bowels with both hands。）
I bear no hate to a living thing；
But love my country beyond the king。
RUMBOLD； DEMON BARBER （Acpanied by two blackmasked assistants； advances with a gladstone bag which he opens。） Ladies and gents； cleaver purchased by Mrs Pearcy to slay Mogg。 Knife with which Voisin dismembered the wife of a patriot and hid remains in a sheet in the cellar； the unfortunate female's throat being cut from ear to ear。 Phial containing arsenic retrieved from the body of Miss Barrow which sent Seddon to the gallows。
（He jerks the rope； the assistants leap at the victims legs and drag him downward； grunting： the croppy boys tongue protrudes violently。）
THE CROPPY BOY Horhot ho hray ho rhother's hest。
（He gives up the ghost。 A violent erection of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his death clothes on to the cobblestones。 Mrs Bellingham； Mrs Yelverton Barry and the Honourable Mrs Mervyn Talboys rush forward with their handkerchiefs to sop it up。）
RUMBOLD I'm near it myself。 （He undoes the noose。） Rope which hanged the awful rebel。 Ten shillings a time as applied to His Royal Highness。 （He plunges his head into the gaping belly of the hanged and draws out his head again clotted with coiled and smoking entrails。） My painful duty has now been done。 God save the king！
EDWARD THE SEVENTH （Dances slowly； solemnly； rattling his bucket and sings with soft contentment。）
On coronation day； on coronation day；
O； Won't We have a merry time；
Drinking whisky； beer and wine！
PRIVATE CARR Here。 What are you saying about my king？
STEPHEN （Throws up his hands。） O； this is too monotonous！ Nothing。 He wants my money and my life； though want must be his master； for some brutish empire of his。 Money I haven't。 （He searches his pockets vaguely。） Gave it to someone。
PRIVATE CARR Who wants your bleeding money？
STEPHEN （Tries to move off。） Will some one tell me where I am least likely to meet these necessary evils？ ？a se voit aussi à Paris。 Not that I。。。 But by Saint Patrick！。。。
（The women's heads coalesce。 Old Gummy Granny in sugarloaf hat appears seated on a toadstool； the deathflower of the potato blight on her breast。）
STEPHEN Aha！ I know you； grammer！ Hamlet； revenge！ The old sow that eats her farrow！
OLD GUMMY GRANNY （Rocking to and fro。） Ireland's sweetheart； the king of Spain's daughter； alanna。 Strangers in my house； bad manners to them！ （She keens with banshee woe。） Ochone！ Ochone！ Silk of the kine！ （She wails。） You met with poor old Ireland and how does she stand？
STEPHEN How do I stand you？ The hat trick！ Where's the third person of the Blessed Trinity？ Soggarth Aroon？ The reverend Carrion Crow。
CISSY CAFFREY （Shrill。） Stop them from fighting！
A ROUGH Our men retreated。
PRIVATE CARR （Tugging at his belt。） I'll wring the neck of any bugger says a word against my fucking king。
BLOOM （Terrified。） He said nothing。 Not a word。 A pure misunderstanding。
THE CITIZEN Erin go bragh！
（Major Tweedy and the Citizen exhibit to each other medals； decorations； trophies of war wounds。 Both salute with fierce hostility。）
PRIVATE PTON Go it； Harry。 Do him one in the eye。 He's a prob