this scene。 But the strong； handsome Philip at once managed to
conceal the signs of his impatience； and went on quietly carrying
out the orders of the worn； weak； false Sophia Vasilievna。
〃Of course； there is a good deal of truth in Lombroso's
teaching；〃 said Kolosoff； lolling back in the low chair and
looking at Sophia Vasilievna with sleepy eyes； 〃but he
over…stepped the mark。 Oh； yes。〃
〃And you？ Do you believe in heredity？〃 asked Sophia Vasilievna；
turning to Nekhludoff； whose silence annoyed her。 〃In heredity？〃
he asked。 〃No； I don't。〃 At this moment his whole mind was taken
up by strange images that in some unaccountable way rose up in
his imagination。 By the side of this strong and handsome Philip
he seemed at this minute to see the nude figure of Kolosoff as an
artist's model； with his stomach like a melon； his bald head； and
his arms without muscle； like pestles。 In the same dim way the
limbs of Sophia Vasilievna； now covered with silks and velvets；
rose up in his mind as they must be in reality； but this mental
picture was too horrid and he tried to drive it away。
〃Well； you know Missy is waiting for you；〃 she said。 〃Go and find
her。 She wants to play a new piece by Grieg to you； it is most
interesting。〃
〃She did not mean to play anything； the woman is simply lying；
for some reason or other；〃 thought Nekhludoff； rising and
pressing Sophia Vasilievna's transparent and bony； ringed hand。
Katerina Alexeevna met him in the drawing…room； and at once
began； in French； as usual：
〃I see the duties of a juryman act depressingly upon you。〃
〃Yes； pardon me； I am in low spirits to…day； and have no right to
weary others by my presence；〃 said Nekhludoff。
〃Why are you in low spirits？〃
〃Allow me not to speak about that；〃 he said； looking round for
his hat。
〃Don't you remember how you used to say that we must always tell
the truth？ And what cruel truths you used to tell us all！ Why do
you not wish to speak out now？ Don't you remember； Missy？〃 she
said； turning to Missy； who had just come in。
〃We were playing a game then；〃 said Nekhludoff； seriously； 〃one
may tell the truth in a game； but in reality we are so badI
mean I am so badthat I； at least； cannot tell the truth。〃
〃Oh； do not correct yourself； but rather tell us why WE are so
bad；〃 said Katerina Alexeevna； playing with her words and
pretending not to notice how serious Nekhludoff was。
〃Nothing is worse than to confess to being in low spirits；〃 said
Missy。 〃I never do it； and therefore am always in good spirits。〃
Nekhludoff felt as a horse must feel when it is being caressed to
make it submit to having the bit put in its mouth and be
harnessed； and to…day he felt less than ever inclined to draw。
〃Well； are you coming into my room？ We will try to cheer you up。〃
He excused himself； saying he had to be at home； and began taking
leave。 Missy kept his hand longer than usual。
〃Remember that what is important to you is important to your
friends；〃 she said。 〃Are you coming tomorrow？〃
〃I hardly expect to；〃 said Nekhludoff； and feeling ashamed；
without knowing whether for her or for himself； he blushed and
went away。
〃What is it？ Comme cela m'intrigue；〃 said Katerina Alexeevna。 〃I
must find it out。 I suppose it is some affaire d'amour propre； il
est tres susceptible； notre cher Mitia。〃
〃Plutot une affaire d'amour sale；〃 Missy was going to say； but
stopped and looked down with a face from which all the light had
gonea very different face from the one with which she had
looked at him。 She would not mention to Katerina Alexeevna even；
so vulgar a pun； but only said； 〃We all have our good and our bad
days。〃
〃Is it possible that he； too； will deceive？〃 she thought； 〃after
all that has happened it would be very bad of him。〃
If Missy had had to explain what she meant by 〃after all that has
happened；〃 she could have said nothing definite； and yet she knew
that he had not only excited her hopes but had almost given her a
promise。 No definite words had passed between themonly looks
and smiles and hints； and yet she considered him as her own； and
to lose him would be very hard。
CHAPTER XXVIII。
THE AWAKENING。
〃Shameful and stupid； horrid and shameful！〃 Nekhludoff kept
saying to himself； as he walked home along the familiar streets。
The depression he had felt whilst speaking to Missy would not
leave him。 He felt that； looking at it externally； as it were； he
was in the right； for he had never said anything to her that
could be considered binding； never made her an offer； but he knew
that in reality he had bound himself to her； had promised to be
hers。 And yet to…day he felt with his whole being that he could
not marry her。
〃Shameful and horrid； horrid and shameful！〃 he repeated to
himself； with reference not only to his relations with Missy but
also to the rest。 〃Everything is horrid and shameful；〃 he
muttered； as he stepped into the porch of his house。 〃I am not
going to have any supper；〃 he said to his manservant Corney； who
followed him into the dining…room； where the cloth was laid for
supper and tea。 〃You may go。〃
〃Yes； sir；〃 said Corney； yet he did not go； but began clearing
the supper off the table。 Nekhludoff looked at Corney with a
feeling of ill…will。 He wished to be left alone； and it seemed to
him that everybody was bothering him in order to spite him。 When
Corney had gone away with the supper things； Nekhludoff moved to
the tea urn and was about to make himself some tea； but hearing
Agraphena Petrovna's footsteps； he went hurriedly into the
drawing…room； to avoid being seen by her； and shut the door after
him。 In this drawing…room his mother had died three months
before。 On entering the room； in which two lamps with reflectors
were burning； one lighting up his father's and the other his
mother's portrait； he remembered what his last relations with his
mother had been。 And they also seemed shameful and horrid。 He
remembered how； during the latter period of her illness； he had
simply wished her to die。 He had said to himself that he wished
it for her sake； that she might be released from her suffering；
but in reality he wished to be released from the sight of her
sufferings for his own sake。
Trying to recall a pleasant image of her； he went up to look at
her portrait； painted by a celebrated artist for 800 roubles。 She
was depicted in a very low…necked black velvet dress。 There was
something very revolting and blasphemous in this representation
of his mother as a half…nude beauty。 It was all the more
disgusting because three months ago； in this very room； lay this
same woman； dried up to a mummy。 And he remembered how a few days
before her death she clasped his hand with her bony； discoloured
fingers； looked into his eyes； and said： 〃Do not judge me； Mitia；
if I have not done what I should；〃 and how the tears came into
her eyes； grown pale with suffering。
〃Ah； how horrid！〃 he said to himself； looking up once more at the
half…naked woman； with the splendid marble shoulders and arms；
and the triumphant smile on her lips。 〃Oh； how horrid！〃 The bared
shoulders of the portrait reminded him of another； a young woman；
whom he had seen exposed in the same way a few days before。 It
was Missy； who had devised an excuse for calling him into her
room just as she was ready to go to a ball； so that he should see
her in her ball dress。 It was with disgust that he remembered her
fine shoulders and arms。 〃And that father of hers； with his
doubtful past and his cruelties； and the bel…esprit her mother；
with her doubtful reputation。〃 All this disgusted him； and also
made him feel ashamed。 〃Shameful and horrid； horrid and shameful！
〃
〃No； no；〃 he thought； 〃freedom from all these false relations
with the Korchagins and Mary Vasilievna and the inheritance and
from all the rest must be got。 Oh； to breathe freely； to go
abroad； to Rome and work at my picture！ He remembered the doubts
he had about his talent for art。 〃Well； never mind； only just to
breathe freely。 First Constantinople； then Rome。 Only just to get
through with this jury business； and arrange with the advocate
first。〃
Then suddenly there arose in his mind an extremely vivid picture
of a prisoner with black； slightly…squinting eyes； and how she
began to cry when the last words of the prisoners had been heard；
and he hurriedly put out his cigarette； pressing it into the
ash…pan； lit another； and began pacing up and down the room。 One
after another the scenes he had lived through with her rose in
his mind。 He recalled that last interview with her。 He remembered
the white dress and blue sash； the early mass。 〃Why； I loved her；
really loved her with a good； pure love； that night； I loved her
even before： yes； I loved her when I lived with my aunts the
first time and was writing my composition。〃 And he remembered
himself as he had been then。 A breath of that freshness； youth
and fulness of life seemed to touch him； and he grew painfully
sad。 The difference between what he had been then and what he was
now； was enormousjust as great； if not greater than the
difference between Katusha in church that night； and the
prostitute who had been carousing with the merchant and whom they
judged this morning。 Then he was free and fearless； and
innumerable possibilities lay ready to open before him； now he
felt himself caught in the meshes of a stupid； empty； valueless；
frivolous life； out of which he saw no means of extricating
himself even if he wished to； which he hardly did。 He remembered
how proud he was at one time of his straightforwardness； how he
had made a rule of always speaking the truth； and really had been
truthful； and how he was now sunk deep in lies： in the most
dreadful of lieslies considered as the truth by all who
surrounded him。 And； as far as he could see； there was no way out
of these lies。 He had sunk in the mire； got used to it； indulged
himself in it。
How was he to break off his relations with Mary Vasilievna and
her husband in such a way as to be able to look him and his
children in the eyes？ How disentangle himself from Missy？ How
choose between the two oppositesthe recognition that holding
land was unjust and the heritage