the uncommercial traveller- 第38部分

the　shepherdess　character　of　the　few　milkwomen　who　purvey　so　little

milk　that　it　would　be　worth　nobody's　while　to　adulterate　it；　if

anybody　were　left　to　undertake　the　task。　　On　the　crowded　sea…shore；

the　great　demand　for　milk；　combined　with　the　strong　local

temptation　of　chalk；　would　betray　itself　in　the　lowered　quality　of

the　article。　　In　Arcadian　London　I　derive　it　from　the　cow。



The　Arcadian　simplicity　of　the　metropolis　altogether；　and　the

primitive　ways　into　which　it　has　fallen　in　this　autumnal　Golden

Age；　make　it　entirely　new　to　me。　　Within　a　few　hundred　yards　of　my

retreat；　is　the　house　of　a　friend　who　maintains　a　most　sumptuous

butler。　　I　never；　until　yesterday；　saw　that　butler　out　of　superfine

black　broadcloth。　　Until　yesterday；　I　never　saw　him　off　duty；　never

saw　him　（he　is　the　best　of　butlers）　with　the　appearance　of　having

any　mind　for　anything　but　the　glory　of　his　master　and　his　master's

friends。　　Yesterday　morning；　walking　in　my　slippers　near　the　house

of　which　he　is　the　prop　and　ornament　…　a　house　now　a　waste　of

shutters　…　I　encountered　that　butler；　also　in　his　slippers；　and　in

a　shooting　suit　of　one　colour；　and　in　a　low…crowned　straw…hat；

smoking　an　early　cigar。　　He　felt　that　we　had　formerly　met　in

another　state　of　existence；　and　that　we　were　translated　into　a　new

sphere。　　Wisely　and　well；　he　passed　me　without　recognition。　　Under

his　arm　he　carried　the　morning　paper；　and　shortly　afterwards　I　saw

him　sitting　on　a　rail　in　the　pleasant　open　landscape　of　Regent…

street；　perusing　it　at　his　ease　under　the　ripening　sun。



My　landlord　having　taken　his　whole　establishment　to　be　salted　down；

I　am　waited　on　by　an　elderly　woman　labouring　under　a　chronic　sniff；

who；　at　the　shadowy　hour　of　half…past　nine　o'clock　of　every

evening；　gives　admittance　at　the　street　door　to　a　meagre　and　mouldy

old　man　whom　I　have　never　yet　seen　detached　from　a　flat　pint　of

beer　in　a　pewter　pot。　　The　meagre　and　mouldy　old　man　is　her

husband；　and　the　pair　have　a　dejected　consciousness　that　they　are

not　justified　in　appearing　on　the　surface　of　the　earth。　　They　come

out　of　some　hole　when　London　empties　itself；　and　go　in　again　when

it　fills。　　I　saw　them　arrive　on　the　evening　when　I　myself　took

possession；　and　they　arrived　with　the　flat　pint　of　beer；　and　their

bed　in　a　bundle。　　The　old　man　is　a　weak　old　man；　and　appeared　to　me

to　get　the　bed　down　the　kitchen　stairs　by　tumbling　down　with　and

upon　it。　　They　make　their　bed　in　the　lowest　and　remotest　corner　of

the　basement；　and　they　smell　of　bed；　and　have　no　possession　but

bed：　　unless　it　be　（which　I　rather　infer　from　an　under…current　of

flavour　in　them）　cheese。　　I　know　their　name；　through　the　chance　of

having　called　the　wife's　attention；　at　half…past　nine　on　the　second

evening　of　our　acquaintance；　to　the　circumstance　of　there　being

some　one　at　the　house　door；　when　she　apologetically　explained；

'It's　only　Mr。　Klem。'　　What　becomes　of　Mr。　Klem　all　day；　or　when　he

goes　out；　or　why；　is　a　mystery　I　cannot　penetrate；　but　at　half…past

nine　he　never　fails　to　turn　up　on　the　door…step　with　the　flat　pint

of　beer。　　And　the　pint　of　beer；　flat　as　it　is；　is　so　much　more

important　than　himself；　that　it　always　seems　to　my　fancy　as　if　it

had　found　him　drivelling　in　the　street　and　had　humanely　brought　him

home。　　In　making　his　way　below；　Mr。　Klem　never　goes　down　the　middle

of　the　passage；　like　another　Christian；　but　shuffles　against　the

wall　as　if　entreating　me　to　take　notice　that　he　is　occupying　as

little　space　as　possible　in　the　house；　and　whenever　I　come　upon　him

face　to　face；　he　backs　from　me　in　fascinated　confusion。　　The　most

extraordinary　circumstance　I　have　traced　in　connexion　with　this

aged　couple；　is；　that　there　is　a　Miss　Klem；　their　daughter；

apparently　ten　years　older　than　either　of　them；　who　has　also　a　bed

and　smells　of　it；　and　carries　it　about　the　earth　at　dusk　and　hides

it　in　deserted　houses。　　I　came　into　this　piece　of　knowledge　through

Mrs。　Klem's　beseeching　me　to　sanction　the　sheltering　of　Miss　Klem

under　that　roof　for　a　single　night；　'between　her　takin'　care　of　the

upper　part　in　Pall　Mall　which　the　family　of　his　back；　and　a　'ouse

in　Serjameses…street；　which　the　family　of　leaves　towng　ter…morrer。'

I　gave　my　gracious　consent　（having　nothing　that　I　know　of　to　do

with　it）；　and　in　the　shadowy　hours　Miss　Klem　became　perceptible　on

the　door…step；　wrestling　with　a　bed　in　a　bundle。　　Where　she　made　it

up　for　the　night　I　cannot　positively　state；　but；　I　think；　in　a

sink。　　I　know　that　with　the　instinct　of　a　reptile　or　an　insect；　she

stowed　it　and　herself　away　in　deep　obscurity。　　In　the　Klem　family；

I　have　noticed　another　remarkable　gift　of　nature；　and　that　is　a

power　they　possess　of　converting　everything　into　flue。　　Such　broken

victuals　as　they　take　by　stealth；　appear　（whatever　the　nature　of

the　viands）　invariably　to　generate　flue；　and　even　the　nightly　pint

of　beer；　instead　of　assimilating　naturally；　strikes　me　as　breaking

out　in　that　form；　equally　on　the　shabby　gown　of　Mrs。　Klem；　and　the

threadbare　coat　of　her　husband。



Mrs。　Klem　has　no　idea　of　my　name　…　as　to　Mr。　Klem　he　has　no　idea　of

anything　…　and　only　knows　me　as　her　good　gentleman。　　Thus；　if

doubtful　whether　I　am　in　my　room　or　no；　Mrs。　Klem　taps　at　the　door

and　says；　'Is　my　good　gentleman　here？'　　Or；　if　a　messenger　desiring

to　see　me　were　consistent　with　my　solitude；　she　would　show　him　in

with　'Here　is　my　good　gentleman。'　　I　find　this　to　be　a　generic

custom。　　For；　I　meant　to　have　observed　before　now；　that　in　its

Arcadian　time　all　my　part　of　London　is　indistinctly　pervaded　by　the

Klem　species。　　They　creep　about　with　beds；　and　go　to　bed　in　miles

of　deserted　houses。　　They　hold　no　companionship　except　that

sometimes；　after　dark；　two　of　them　will　emerge　from　opposite

houses；　and　meet　in　the　middle　of　the　road　as　on　neutral　ground；　or

will　peep　from　adjoining　houses　over　an　interposing　barrier　of　area

railings；　and　compare　a　few　reserved　mistrustful　notes　respecting

their　good　ladies　or　good　gentlemen。　　This　I　have　discovered　in　the

course　of　various　solitary　rambles　I　have　taken　Northward　from　my

retirement；　along　the　awful　perspectives　of　Wimpole…street；　Harley…

street；　and　similar　frowning　regions。　　Their　effect　would　be

scarcely　distinguishable　from　that　of　the　primeval　forests；　but　for

the　Klem　stragglers；　these　may　be　dimly　observed；　when　the　heavy

shadows　fall；　flitting　to　and　fro；　putting　up　the　door…chain；

taking　in　the　pint　of　beer；　lowering　like　phantoms　at　the　dark

parlour　windows；　or　secretly　consorting　underground　with　the　dust…

bin　and　the　water…cistern。



In　the　Burlington　Arcade；　I　observe；　with　peculiar　pleasure；　a

primitive　state　of　manners　to　have　superseded　the　baneful

influences　of　ultra　civilisation。　　Nothing　can　surpass　the

innocence　of　the　ladies'　shoe…shops；　the　artificial…flower

repositories；　and　the　head…dress　depots。　　They　are　in　strange　hands

at　this　time　of　year　…　hands　of　unaccustomed　persons；　who　are

imperfectly　acquainted　with　the　prices　of　the　goods；　and

contemplate　them　with　unsophisticated　delight　and　wonder。　　The

children　of　these　virtuous　people　exchange　familiarities　in　the

Arcade；　and　temper　the　asperity　of　the　two　tall　beadles。　　Their

youthful　prattle　blends　in　an　unwonted　manner　with　the　harmonious

shade　of　the　scene；　and　the　general　effect　is；　as　of　the　voices　of

birds　in　a　grove。　　In　this　happy　restoration　of　the　golden　time；　it

has　been　my　privilege　even　to　see　the　bigger　beadle's　wife。　　She

brought　him　his　dinner　in　a　basin；　and　he　ate　it　in　his　arm…chair；

and　afterwards　fell　asleep　like　a　satiated　child。　　At　Mr。

Truefitt's；　the　excellent　hairdresser's；　they　are　learning　French

to　beguile　the　time；　and　even　the　few　solitaries　left　on　guard　at

Mr。　Atkinson's；　the　perfumer's　round　the　corner　（generally　the　most

inexorable　gentleman　in　London；　and　the　most　scornful　of　three…and…

sixpence）；　condescend　a　little；　as　they　drowsily　bide　or　recall

their　turn　for　chasing　the　ebbing　Neptune　on　the　ribbed　sea…sand。

From　Messrs。　Hunt　and　Roskell's；　the　jewellers；　all　things　are

absent　but　the　precious　stones；　and　the　gold　and　silver；　and　the

soldierly　pensioner　at　the　door　with　his　decorated　breast。　　I　might

stand　night　and　day　for　a　month　to　come；　in　Saville…row；　with　my

tongue　out；　yet　not　find　a　doctor　to　look　at　it　for　love　or　money。

The　dentists'　instruments　are　rusting　in　their　drawers；　and　their

horrible　cool　parlours；　where　people　pretend　to　read　the　Every…Day

Book　and　not　to　be　afraid；　are　doing　penance　for　their　grimness　in

white　sheets。　　The　light…weight　of　shrewd　appearance；　with　one　eye

always　shut　up；　as　if　he　were　eating　a　sharp　gooseberry　in　all

seasons；　who　usually　stands　at　the　gateway　of　the　livery…stables　on

very　little　legs　under　a　very　large　waistcoat；　has　gone　to

Doncaster。　　Of　such　undesigning　aspect　is　his　guileless　yard　now；

with　its　gravel　and　scarlet　beans；　and　the　yellow　Break　housed

under　a　glass　roof　in　a　corner；　that　I　almost　believe　I　could　not

be　taken　in　there；　if　I　tried。　　In　the　places　of　business　of　the

great　tailors；　the　cheval…glasses　are　dim　and　dusty　for　lack　of

being　looked　into。　　Ranges　of　brown　paper　coat　and　waistcoat　bodies

look　as　funereal　as　if　they　were　the　hatchments　of　the　customers

with　whose　names　they　are　inscribed；　the　measuring　tapes　hang　idle

on　the　wall；　the　order…taker；　left　on　the　hopeless　chance　of　some

one　looking　in；　yawns　in　the　last　extremity　over　the　book　of

patterns；　as　if　he　were　trying　to　read　that　entertaining　library。

The　hotels　in　Brook…street　have　no　one　in　them；　and　the　staffs　of

servants　stare　disconsolately　for　next　season　out　of　all　the

windows。　　The　very　man　who　goes　about　like　an　erect　Turtle；　between

two　boards　recommendatory　of　the　Sixteen　Shilling　Trousers；　is

aware　of　himself　as　a　hollow　mockery；　and　eats　filberts　while　he

leans　his　hinder　shell　against　a　wall。



Among　these　tranquillising　objects；　it　is　my　delig