Otherwise you might fancy it was I who was sneering
at the practice of devotion； which Miss Sharp finds so
ridiculous； that it was I who laughed good…humouredly
at the reeling old Silenus of a baronetwhereas the
laughter comes from one who has no reverence except
for prosperity； and no eye for anything beyond success。
Such people there are living and flourishing in the world
Faithless； Hopeless； Charityless： let us have at them；
dear friends； with might and main。 Some there are； and
very successful too； mere quacks and fools： and it was
to combat and expose such as those； no doubt； that
Laughter was made。
CHAPTER IX
Family Portraits
Sir Pitt Crawley was a philosopher with a taste for what is
called low life。 His first marriage with the daughter of
the noble Binkie had been made under the auspices of
his parents； and as he often told Lady Crawley in her
lifetime she was such a confounded quarrelsome high…bred
jade that when she died he was hanged if he would ever take
another of her sort； at her ladyship's demise he kept his
promise； and selected for a second wife Miss Rose Dawson；
daughter of Mr。 John Thomas Dawson； ironmonger； of Mudbury。
What a happy woman was Rose to be my Lady Crawley！
Let us set down the items of her happiness。 In the
first place； she gave up Peter Butt； a young man who
kept company with her； and in consequence of his
disappointment in love； took to smuggling； poaching； and a
thousand other bad courses。 Then she quarrelled； as in
duty bound； with all the friends and intimates of her youth；
who； of course； could not be received by my Lady at
Queen's Crawleynor did she find in her new rank and
abode any persons who were willing to welcome her。
Who ever did？ Sir Huddleston Fuddleston had three
daughters who all hoped to be Lady Crawley。 Sir Giles
Wapshot's family were insulted that one of the Wapshot
girls had not the preference in the marriage； and the
remaining baronets of the county were indignant at their
comrade's misalliance。 Never mind the commoners； whom
we will leave to grumble anonymously。
Sir Pitt did not care； as he said； a brass farden for
any one of them。 He had his pretty Rose； and what
more need a man require than to please himself？ So he
used to get drunk every night： to beat his pretty Rose
sometimes： to leave her in Hampshire when he went to
London for the parliamentary session； without a single
friend in the wide world。 Even Mrs。 Bute Crawley； the
Rector's wife； refused to visit her； as she said she would
never give the pas to a tradesman's daughter。
As the only endowments with which Nature had gifted
Lady Crawley were those of pink cheeks and a white
skin； and as she had no sort of character； nor talents；
nor opinions； nor occupations； nor amusements； nor that
vigour of soul and ferocity of temper which often falls
to the lot of entirely foolish women； her hold upon Sir
Pitt's affections was not very great。 Her roses faded out
of her cheeks； and the pretty freshness left her figure
after the birth of a couple of children； and she became
a mere machine in her husband's house of no more use
than the late Lady Crawley's grand piano。 Being a light…
complexioned woman； she wore light clothes； as most
blondes will； and appeared； in preference； in draggled sea…
green； or slatternly sky…blue。 She worked that worsted
day and night； or other pieces like it。 She had
counterpanes in the course of a few years to all the beds in
Crawley。 She had a small flower…garden； for which she
had rather an affection； but beyond this no other like
or disliking。 When her husband was rude to her she was
apathetic： whenever he struck her she cried。 She had not
character enough to take to drinking； and moaned about；
slipshod and in curl…papers all day。 0 Vanity Fair
Vanity Fair！ This might have been； but for you； a cheery
lassPeter Butt and Rose a happy man and wife； in a
snug farm； with a hearty family； and an honest portion
of pleasures； cares； hopes and strugglesbut a title and
a coach and four are toys more precious than happiness
in Vanity Fair： and if Harry the Eighth or Bluebeard
were alive now； and wanted a tenth wife； do you suppose
he could not get the prettiest girl that shall be presented
this season？
The languid dulness of their mamma did not； as it
may be supposed； awaken much affection in her little
daughters； but they were very happy in the servants' hall
and in the stables； and the Scotch gardener having
luckily a good wife and some good children； they got a
little wholesome society and instruction in his lodge；
which was the only education bestowed upon them until
Miss Sharp came。
Her engagement was owing to the remonstrances of
Mr。 Pitt Crawley； the only friend or protector Lady
Crawley ever had； and the only person； besides her
children； for whom she entertained a little feeble
attachment。 Mr。 Pitt took after the noble Binkies； from
whom he was descended； and was a very polite and proper
gentleman。 When he grew to man's estate； and came
back from Christchurch； he began to reform the
slackened discipline of the hall； in spite of his father； who
stood in awe of him。 He was a man of such rigid
refinement； that he would have starved rather than have
dined without a white neckcloth。 Once； when just from
college； and when Horrocks the butler brought him a
letter without placing it previously on a tray； he gave
that domestic a look； and administered to him a speech
so cutting； that Horrocks ever after trembled before him；
the whole household bowed to him： Lady Crawley's curl…
papers came off earlier when he was at home： Sir Pitt's
muddy gaiters disappeared； and if that incorrigible old
man still adhered to other old habits； he never fuddled
himself with rum…and…water in his son's presence； and
only talked to his servants in a very reserved and polite
manner； and those persons remarked that Sir Pitt never
swore at Lady Crawley while his son was in the room。
It was he who taught the butler to say； 〃My lady is
served；〃 and who insisted on handing her ladyship in to
dinner。 He seldom spoke to her； but when he did it was
with the most powerful respect； and he never let her
quit the apartment without rising in the most stately
manner to open the door； and making an elegant bow
at her egress。
At Eton he was called Miss Crawley； and there； I
am sorry to say； his younger brother Rawdon used to
lick him violently。 But though his parts were not
brilliant； he made up for his lack of talent by meritorious
industry； and was never known； during eight years at
school； to be subject to that punishment which it is
generally thought none but a cherub can escape。
At college his career was of course highly creditable。
And here he prepared himself for public life； into which
he was to be introduced by the patronage of his
grandfather； Lord Binkie； by studying the ancient and modern
orators with great assiduity； and by speaking unceasingly
at the debating societies。 But though he had a fine flux
of words； and delivered his little voice with great
pomposity and pleasure to himself； and never advanced
any sentiment or opinion which was not perfectly trite and
stale； and supported by a Latin quotation； yet he failed
somehow； in spite of a mediocrity which ought to have
insured any man a success。 He did not even get the
prize poem； which all his friends said he was sure of。
After leaving college he became Private Secretary to
Lord Binkie； and was then appointed Attache to the
Legation at Pumpernickel； which post he filled with
perfect honour； and brought home despatches； consisting of
Strasburg pie； to the Foreign Minister of the day。 After
remaining ten years Attache （several years after the
lamented Lord Binkie's demise）； and finding the
advancement slow； he at length gave up the diplomatic
service in some disgust； and began to turn country gentleman。
He wrote a pamphlet on Malt on returning to England
（for he was an ambitious man； and always liked
to be before the public）； and took a strong part in the
Negro Emancipation question。 Then he became a friend
of Mr。 Wilberforce's； whose politics he admired； and had
that famous correspondence with the Reverend Silas
Hornblower； on the Ashantee Mission。 He was in
London； if not for the Parliament session； at least in May；
for the religious meetings。 In the country he was a
magistrate； and an active visitor and speaker among those
destitute of religious instruction。 He was said to be
paying his addresses to Lady Jane Sheepshanks； Lord
Southdown's third daughter； and whose sister； Lady Emily；
wrote those sweet tracts； 〃The Sailor's True Binnacle；〃
and 〃The Applewoman of Finchley Common。〃
Miss Sharp's accounts of his employment at Queen's
Crawley were not caricatures。 He subjected the servants
there to the devotional exercises before mentioned； in
which （and so much the better） he brought his father
to join。 He patronised an Independent meeting…house in
Crawley parish； much to the indignation of his uncle the
Rector； and to the consequent delight of Sir Pitt； who
was induced to go himself once or twice； which occasioned
some violent sermons at Crawley parish church； directed
point…blank at the Baronet's old Gothic pew there。 Honest
Sir Pitt； however； did not feel the force of these
discourses； as he always took his nap during sermon…time。
Mr。 Crawley was very earnest； for the good of the
nation and of the Christian world； that the old gentleman
should yield him up his place in Parliament； but this the
elder constantly refused to do。 Both were of course too
prudent to give up the fifteen hundred a year which was
brought in by the second seat （at this period filled by
Mr。 Quadroon； with carte blanche on the Slave question）；
indeed the family estate was much embarrassed； and the
income drawn from the borough was of great use to the
house of Queen's Crawley。
It had never recovered the heavy fine imposed upon
Walpole Crawley； first baronet； for peculation in the Tape
and Sealing Wax Office。 Sir Walpole was a jolly fellow；
eager to seize and to spend money （alieni appetens； sui
profusus； as Mr。 Crawley would remark with a sigh）；
and in his day beloved by all the county for the
constant